Not Leaving a job.

From an old friend, I got the following email:

Hi Cicak-Man,

I have just continued reading your 'beloved masterpiece'. ..blah.. ..blah.. ..blah.. Coffee-drinker has also made up his mind to leave ACME to venture into another company/place. I have been working closely with him for the past Y years!

So I refresh my memory by going thro' your 'Leaving A Job'. Wish I have the opportunity to do the same.
For the past XX years, I think I have at least 6 good and close friends who have left this dept and yet I am still here. Something must be very wrong with me, do u agree?

Hope to hear from you soon.

Warmest Regards,
She-Ra

My response to She-Ra is;

Hello She-Ra,

By no means should you think that there is something wrong with you. In fact, you are possibly closer to the “normal” behavior than the rest of us who have been hopping jobs. There are a lot of issues to be faced by someone moving jobs, and it is not an easy decision. So there is nothing wrong with a person choosing to be certain of their environment, rather than take a risk and venture into the unknown.

Many people will say – and I do too, to a certain extent, that we all have to get out of our ‘comfort zone’ and try something new, or, like in my blog, one should not stay in a place that makes one unhappy - - - but understand this; all these statements are general, sweeping comments, and by their nature can not apply to all people. Every person has to balance his or her own needs and ambitions against those of the family, spouse and children. (In typical unfair fashion, our patriarchal society expects the women to do this, but I believe this applies to men as well, and I do know men who follow this philosophy.) Wanting a better job sometimes needs to take a back seat to bringing up the children, or supporting a spouse who has a better paying, but also high stressed job, or taking care of elderly parents.

So who has a right to judge if you have been doing the right or wrong thing? No one, not even you. You have been making the best decisions you can, based on all that you know for XX years. Be happy with what has passed, and don’t make the mistake of looking back and asking “What if…?” That is perhaps the last trump card the devil will play, when he fails to destroy you though greed, lust, and pride. “What if…?” can sour decades of happy family life, waste a long and productive career, and empty a retirement fund that took a lifetime to save.

Look back, and savor the good things and good experiences you have had; looking out over 2 oceans from Table Mountain, shopping in Los Angeles, riding the Metro in Paris. Learn from the mistakes you have made along the way. Try something new today if you want to. But never regret.

Regards,
Cicak-Man