Silly Notices

#1 on 20060125. Except for the {company name}, the message below is verbatim from a notice a friend showed me. This notice was issued by his companies' General Counsel to be installed in all computer systems:
"This is {company name} computer system that is FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY. This system is subject to monitoring. Therefore, no expectation of privacy is to be assumed. Individuals found performing unauthorized activities are subject to disciplinary action including criminal prosecution"
They really should get someone who speaks English as a first language to work on that 1st sentance....

#2 on 20060208. This is the citation (again, verbatim) for the winner of a customer satisfaction survey:
He derives satisfaction by ensuring his clients requirements are contented. He's professional, courteous and quick to help. His skills are sharp and without prompting, he keeps them honed to a razor's edge.
He is a team player who is always willing to go the extra mile to manage his clients. He meticulously ensures every difficult situation seems easy to resolve.
Now how would I get my requirements to be contented?